Just sent this to everyone in my 70+ person neighborhood WhatsApp group. I was like, “somebody get a backyard projector and start hosting movie nights!” 😀🤞
Ahh, that’s the biggest compliment, thank you! 🥹 And yes, the backyard projector and slushee machines have been top tier investments for neighborhood gatherings. It would be so fun to come up with a list of some of these bigger items that could be shared by multiple families. I’ve had my eye on a popcorn machine for years, and recently saw a post about a neighborhood bounce house too!
Your neighborhood has a slushee machine too?? Elite!! I love this post idea. Now I’m going to be thinking about what else would be a really cool neighborhood investment…
We’re in our early 30s and at the point in life when we haven’t quite decided where to settle . We’ve rented in different cities and suburbs at this point and I’m having a hard time feeling like we should invest in connection in this way when things are so uncertain. I appreciated your tips for sussing out neighborhoods before committing.
That can be so tough when you’re in an in-between stage! I’m so glad we followed our gut on some houses that were nice but neighborhoods that didn’t feel like home to us. It really helps to spend some time on foot in neighborhoods you’re interested in. I hope you find a community and home that you’ll want to invest in!
We move often because of my husbands job. I find that many neighbors stay inside their house and don't have a desire for new friends because they seem to be satisfied with existing ones. On the other side, many families are dual income and don't seem to have the mental energy for building community. If they are both working, they end up outsourcing many services like yard work, dog walking etc so they just don't even step outside.
This is so tough, and I feel for you. Being the new person on the block is never easy, especially when your neighbors seem closed off. I do wonder how many folks are actually satisfied with their existing friendships. I think many people are lonely, but it feels daunting and deeply vulnerable to make new friends as an adult. I’ve had to work on expanding my tolerance for rejection and disappointment since I’ve started investing in my relationships. Sometimes people don’t show up or it’s awkward or it just doesn’t match the expectations I had. I still regularly get my feelings hurt, but it’s also always been worth it to try.
Ever since becoming a mom my social skills have gone in the toilet 🤣 I’m scared to try to make friends and have them notice how awkward I am 🤣 but there is a neighborhood park right by my kids elementary school and I’m thinking that would be a great place to start building my village.
The park is a great place to meet people! And, if it makes you feel any better, I think ALL of us moms are a little awkward. Or at least, I know I am. 🤣 It helps to know you're not the only one!
I was saying “amen!” to each of your points! We are six years into our neighborhood, had our daughter two years ago, and I’m loving how this village is forming. It’s taken some intentionality and awkward moments, but the payoff is so so good.
lovely read! i'd love to build a community, but it's hard when you don't really have a porch or yard and don't know how long you'll be in a place.. i'm in grad school and live where a lot of students at my uni do, so there's a revolving door of people each lease period. i'd love to get to know my neighbors, but i would feel so weird and awkward just dropping food off with a note like, "hey it's your neighbor! i know we've lived next to each other for a year and i'm just now saying something, but let me know if you need anything" 😆😆 i also grew up in the country where my only neighbor was my uncle, so i never learned how to be neighborly with someone you don't know.
eli, I actually think that would be a lovely note to send! There’s no getting around the awkwardness at first, unfortunately. But if it makes you feel any better, I don’t know anyone who doesn’t experience that! If you can embrace it and push through you might be surprised how people respond. ❤️
Yes to being outside! Makes an enormous difference. My neighbors make life possible for me, they are my greatest resource.
The big turning point for me was a mutual promise with my backyard neighbor that we would say no to any ask (usually childcare) that we actually didn’t want to do. That made it safe to ask for anything! We didn’t need to pre-judge our ask and make sure that it was worthy or not annoying. And resentment never built up between us.
All of these are gold! The first big thing I did this year was move out and move closer to where it was a shorter drive to events I wanted to be at and I started hosting in my own space. I did do themed dinner parties (and continue to) but I wouldn't necessarily say they're all elaborate. I just open the door, cook some food and do something theme-related. We all crowd around my apartment counters and folding table and have a grand time. It's been a beautiful way to build community this year :)
This is a great list of suggestions! I used to be of the mindset that I didn’t want “anyone in my business” and would totally shy away from interacting with neighbors. When we were looking to buy a house, I didn’t give nearly enough thought to the built environment. We bought on a busy street with no sidewalk and to that end, it’s very hard and unsafe to engage with passersby. However, at the end of our block is a lovely village, a park, tennis and pickleball courts, the elementary school, post office, etc. The local library is 2 blocks away and we have a dog. These things have helped tremendously in meeting others in the community and provide glimmers and little kindnesses every day!
I will sing the praises of sidewalks for all my days! We are lucky that our street and several neighboring streets have them, but there is a main road that doesn’t, and it cuts off our access to other parks and restaurants that we could easily and safely access by foot otherwise. I’m so glad you’ve found other pockets close by to enjoy a sense of community. It’s my dream to one day live within walking distance of a library, but I don’t think we’ll be moving for a long time. 🥰
This is a fantastic post Courtney! I am gonna make the effort to get outside more often (but not during the summer heat in Texas)!
There are 3 of us ladies on my street who enjoy doing jigsaw puzzles. I serve simple non-messy snacks like pretzels or nuts and we talk while bringing order out of chaos (the puzzle pieces)on the dining room table.
love this! our neighborhood is lovely, but there are sadly very few kids. Prop 13 in California, which caps your property tax based on the year you bought your house, makes it so older folks are financially penalized a lot for downsizing. So they stay in their big houses! And family-friendly housing stock is taken up by folks who don't need it until they pass away.
Neighborhood design and the impact of legislation on neighborhood composition is something we don't talk about enough! Kat Vellos is one of my favorite authors who helps address that side of things along with the practical, relationship building side. Having other kids nearby definitely made building some of those connections easier, but I've also found our retired neighbors to be some of the most helpful and willing. It's been a gift to have neighbors in different stages of life, as they often have more time than those of us with young kids do.
I've always admired the neighbours that introduced themselves to me but been so afraid to do the exact same. Hoping to build up some confidence to leave communal cookies in the hallway this winter.
It is a lovely idea. One that I had put into play in my own neighborhood a few years ago. Sometimes, though, things don't go as we might wish. People have different ways of seeing things and dealing with life. When my son had cancer and moved back home for treatment, my next door neighbour who I'd had over for a couple of neighbour meals, and we'd shared wine over the fence, yelled at me for my wildflowers in my backyard and told me to get him to take the lawnmower out and cut it all down. I was exhausted from caregiving and completely taken aback by the amount of anger coming from her, needless to say, my son was in no shape to "cut down all that green stuff". I may have come to the conclusion that my street does not have the vibe that is open to this idea, this just means, though that it would be a waste to continue in that direction, here I've let it be. (There have been other instances of Oh!!!) Instead I've gotten involved in other community efforts with the same kind of non-hierarchical pattern. So if it doesn't work "next door", Where's the next nearest place that you can cast your net further?
Just sent this to everyone in my 70+ person neighborhood WhatsApp group. I was like, “somebody get a backyard projector and start hosting movie nights!” 😀🤞
Ahh, that’s the biggest compliment, thank you! 🥹 And yes, the backyard projector and slushee machines have been top tier investments for neighborhood gatherings. It would be so fun to come up with a list of some of these bigger items that could be shared by multiple families. I’ve had my eye on a popcorn machine for years, and recently saw a post about a neighborhood bounce house too!
Your neighborhood has a slushee machine too?? Elite!! I love this post idea. Now I’m going to be thinking about what else would be a really cool neighborhood investment…
We’re in our early 30s and at the point in life when we haven’t quite decided where to settle . We’ve rented in different cities and suburbs at this point and I’m having a hard time feeling like we should invest in connection in this way when things are so uncertain. I appreciated your tips for sussing out neighborhoods before committing.
That can be so tough when you’re in an in-between stage! I’m so glad we followed our gut on some houses that were nice but neighborhoods that didn’t feel like home to us. It really helps to spend some time on foot in neighborhoods you’re interested in. I hope you find a community and home that you’ll want to invest in!
Thanks! That’s definitely the plan🤞
We move often because of my husbands job. I find that many neighbors stay inside their house and don't have a desire for new friends because they seem to be satisfied with existing ones. On the other side, many families are dual income and don't seem to have the mental energy for building community. If they are both working, they end up outsourcing many services like yard work, dog walking etc so they just don't even step outside.
This is so tough, and I feel for you. Being the new person on the block is never easy, especially when your neighbors seem closed off. I do wonder how many folks are actually satisfied with their existing friendships. I think many people are lonely, but it feels daunting and deeply vulnerable to make new friends as an adult. I’ve had to work on expanding my tolerance for rejection and disappointment since I’ve started investing in my relationships. Sometimes people don’t show up or it’s awkward or it just doesn’t match the expectations I had. I still regularly get my feelings hurt, but it’s also always been worth it to try.
Ever since becoming a mom my social skills have gone in the toilet 🤣 I’m scared to try to make friends and have them notice how awkward I am 🤣 but there is a neighborhood park right by my kids elementary school and I’m thinking that would be a great place to start building my village.
The park is a great place to meet people! And, if it makes you feel any better, I think ALL of us moms are a little awkward. Or at least, I know I am. 🤣 It helps to know you're not the only one!
I was saying “amen!” to each of your points! We are six years into our neighborhood, had our daughter two years ago, and I’m loving how this village is forming. It’s taken some intentionality and awkward moments, but the payoff is so so good.
It takes some effort and some willingness to be awkward, but it is totally worth it! So glad you’re seeing this happen in your own neighborhood!
lovely read! i'd love to build a community, but it's hard when you don't really have a porch or yard and don't know how long you'll be in a place.. i'm in grad school and live where a lot of students at my uni do, so there's a revolving door of people each lease period. i'd love to get to know my neighbors, but i would feel so weird and awkward just dropping food off with a note like, "hey it's your neighbor! i know we've lived next to each other for a year and i'm just now saying something, but let me know if you need anything" 😆😆 i also grew up in the country where my only neighbor was my uncle, so i never learned how to be neighborly with someone you don't know.
eli, I actually think that would be a lovely note to send! There’s no getting around the awkwardness at first, unfortunately. But if it makes you feel any better, I don’t know anyone who doesn’t experience that! If you can embrace it and push through you might be surprised how people respond. ❤️
Yes to being outside! Makes an enormous difference. My neighbors make life possible for me, they are my greatest resource.
The big turning point for me was a mutual promise with my backyard neighbor that we would say no to any ask (usually childcare) that we actually didn’t want to do. That made it safe to ask for anything! We didn’t need to pre-judge our ask and make sure that it was worthy or not annoying. And resentment never built up between us.
That’s a great boundary to set up! It can make everyone feel confident in their ask and their yes (or no)!
All of these are gold! The first big thing I did this year was move out and move closer to where it was a shorter drive to events I wanted to be at and I started hosting in my own space. I did do themed dinner parties (and continue to) but I wouldn't necessarily say they're all elaborate. I just open the door, cook some food and do something theme-related. We all crowd around my apartment counters and folding table and have a grand time. It's been a beautiful way to build community this year :)
This sounds lovely! Having a regular chance to gather makes such a big difference!
Being handy, and having tools helps
The handy neighbor is always the most popular neighbor. 😅
Ah what are the odds, I also live in a 1960s neighborhood in Columbus OH 😆 so far it’s been blessed here
Well, hello neighbor! 👋 Glad Columbus has been treating you well!
This is a great list of suggestions! I used to be of the mindset that I didn’t want “anyone in my business” and would totally shy away from interacting with neighbors. When we were looking to buy a house, I didn’t give nearly enough thought to the built environment. We bought on a busy street with no sidewalk and to that end, it’s very hard and unsafe to engage with passersby. However, at the end of our block is a lovely village, a park, tennis and pickleball courts, the elementary school, post office, etc. The local library is 2 blocks away and we have a dog. These things have helped tremendously in meeting others in the community and provide glimmers and little kindnesses every day!
I will sing the praises of sidewalks for all my days! We are lucky that our street and several neighboring streets have them, but there is a main road that doesn’t, and it cuts off our access to other parks and restaurants that we could easily and safely access by foot otherwise. I’m so glad you’ve found other pockets close by to enjoy a sense of community. It’s my dream to one day live within walking distance of a library, but I don’t think we’ll be moving for a long time. 🥰
💯 Excellent 😊
This is a fantastic post Courtney! I am gonna make the effort to get outside more often (but not during the summer heat in Texas)!
There are 3 of us ladies on my street who enjoy doing jigsaw puzzles. I serve simple non-messy snacks like pretzels or nuts and we talk while bringing order out of chaos (the puzzle pieces)on the dining room table.
I love this! What a great way to gather. It’s so satisfying to work towards something beautiful together.
love this! our neighborhood is lovely, but there are sadly very few kids. Prop 13 in California, which caps your property tax based on the year you bought your house, makes it so older folks are financially penalized a lot for downsizing. So they stay in their big houses! And family-friendly housing stock is taken up by folks who don't need it until they pass away.
Neighborhood design and the impact of legislation on neighborhood composition is something we don't talk about enough! Kat Vellos is one of my favorite authors who helps address that side of things along with the practical, relationship building side. Having other kids nearby definitely made building some of those connections easier, but I've also found our retired neighbors to be some of the most helpful and willing. It's been a gift to have neighbors in different stages of life, as they often have more time than those of us with young kids do.
Wow, I did not know this about California housing policy. That really needs to change!
I've always admired the neighbours that introduced themselves to me but been so afraid to do the exact same. Hoping to build up some confidence to leave communal cookies in the hallway this winter.
It is a lovely idea. One that I had put into play in my own neighborhood a few years ago. Sometimes, though, things don't go as we might wish. People have different ways of seeing things and dealing with life. When my son had cancer and moved back home for treatment, my next door neighbour who I'd had over for a couple of neighbour meals, and we'd shared wine over the fence, yelled at me for my wildflowers in my backyard and told me to get him to take the lawnmower out and cut it all down. I was exhausted from caregiving and completely taken aback by the amount of anger coming from her, needless to say, my son was in no shape to "cut down all that green stuff". I may have come to the conclusion that my street does not have the vibe that is open to this idea, this just means, though that it would be a waste to continue in that direction, here I've let it be. (There have been other instances of Oh!!!) Instead I've gotten involved in other community efforts with the same kind of non-hierarchical pattern. So if it doesn't work "next door", Where's the next nearest place that you can cast your net further?