What I Mean When I Say "I'm Praying for You"
When I say, “I’m praying for you,” I mean I’m lighting a candle on the window sill above the sink, and letting the flicker of my attention rest on the flame as I’m scrubbing dishes or washing a pepper or watching the kids in the backyard.
When I say, “I’m praying for you,” I mean that you’re there in the ticker tape of mind, right next to my anxiety about my kid’s anxiety and the grocery list (I keep forgetting to add Sriracha) and the bridge of that one song I can’t remember the name of.
When I say, “I’m praying for you,” I mean that your name is on my lips as the stand mixer thrums in the background, when the muffins come out of the oven tender and puffed with hope.
When I say, “I’m praying for you,” I mean I’m wrapping you up in the warmest, softest jersey T-shirt and tucking you into the backpack of my spirit, hoping it feels like unconditional love.
When I say, “I’m praying for you,” I mean I’m angry and will be speaking with the manager to air out my grievances on your behalf. I’m asking if it’s possible to be excused from suffering once you’ve filled up your Bingo card, and are there refunds for nights spent weeping? I’m demanding that the arc of the universe bend towards justice just a little faster, please. And, when is that miracle arriving, by the way? It seems to be running awfully late.
When I say, “I’m praying for you,” I mean I love you, and I don’t know what to say. And this is the worst, but I’m not afraid of your worst. I mean, I’m sticking around. I mean, you’re never far from my mind. I mean, I still believe in resurrection and Jesus and springtime after winter and seeds coming up from the cold, dark earth.
When I say, I’m praying for you, I’m asking for all the goodness I can imagine to chase you like a benevolent storm. I’m asking for you to be stalked by kindness and casseroles and the best parking spot and your favorite dessert on the menu and sunshine warm on your face (or gray clouds and rain, if you’re my one friend who prefers it).
When I say, I’m praying for you, I’m asking for day after day of watching your kids grow up, for more birthdays and chaotic Christmases and unmet expectations on family vacations. And yes, I suppose that means I’m asking for more and more of the bittersweet pang that accompanies living. I hope you’ll forgive me.
When I say, I’m praying for you, I mean that I’m hoping that every which way you turn you find people who love you and that one of those people is me.
Thank you to
for inspiring this post with this note.